Chapter 128: The Brokeback Mountain in a Handsome Man's Heart

This commission was for a magazine focused on sentimental human-interest stories, a style she wasn't particularly skilled at. Her first thought was Lin Feng; his elegant prose, tinged with a faint, graceful melancholy, perfectly matched the magazine’s aesthetic.

"Stopped at a small shop by the transit station this afternoon. The food was clean, and the room, though small, was warm. Night has fallen; I lit a dim, amber lamp. By the window, I listen to the howling winter wind outside. It is late autumn, and the night air is biting, making the warmth of this strange room feel all the more precious. The walls are somewhat mottled; past travelers have all, in some small way, left their marks here. Perhaps, like me, they were all in a hurried rush...

"I return to school tomorrow. There, I have my new friends and that girl with the ready smile. It’s only been a few days, yet I find myself missing her. 'Like wings of a phoenix, our hearts beat as one,' yet I fear loneliness after all. I am, at heart, afraid of being alone..."

Dong Yanyan checked the date—it had been written around the time of the week-long National Day holiday. He never shied away from letting others read his journals or essays. She had always assumed this was a way to project confidence and transparency, with a touch of humble-bragging about his literary talent. Or perhaps, as he claimed, he feared loneliness; while he appeared chivalrous and easygoing on the outside, his inner self was delicate and sentimental. He could not bear a life without admiration or followers.

She picked up a pen, intending to help him edit, but hesitated. She decided to flip through more pages first; there was plenty to read. She had read his journals back in the day and still remembered fragments of them. In such a quiet night, it was the perfect time for nostalgia, wasn't it?

The lights went out. Dong Yanyan pulled the privacy curtain, lit a candle by her bedside near the window, and continued reading his journal by the flickering light. His writing was quiet and nuanced, easily pulling the reader into his world.

After becoming accustomed to the various styles on the Tianya forums—the sentimental, the ranting, the pretentious, the commercial—looking back at this simple, emotionally resonant prose from over a decade ago brought an unexpected sense of peace and poignancy. She was grateful that this era had not yet become so restless and irritable.

"I am willing to transform into a stone bridge, enduring five hundred years of wind, five hundred years of sun, and five hundred years of rain, just for the chance to see her walk across. Love at first sight exists, but I cannot be certain if I can love her for a lifetime. As I am now, I cannot promise anyone a 'forever.' They say a wanderer must roam the world, but the heart always travels further than the person. When I cannot even keep pace with the rapid strides of my own ideals, the path before me remains a wasteland. One turn, one glance back, and I have missed my chance; there is no explanation, no room for regret. Perhaps that is for the best. A true soulmate cannot be held too close; as long as I can guard you from your side, then all is well..."

This rhetoric would move anyone, yet it was generic enough to be applied to anyone. Those with high emotional intelligence always knew how to express their infatuation perfectly while simultaneously keeping an escape route open for themselves.

"A soulmate is for a lifetime; for a lifetime, I shall be your lover and your confidant."

Dong Yanyan smiled as she read the annotation in the margin—it was in Yang Lili’s handwriting. That must have been when the two of them were inseparable, thick as thieves. If she had been the one by his side back then, she probably would have written: *What if she was wearing jeans?*

—Thinking of it just ruined the mood.

"A lifetime" really shouldn't be uttered so easily. Look at how many months it had been, and hadn't they already gone their separate ways? If he saw this entry today, would he sigh again about how easily time casts people aside?

How brilliantly melancholic!

Liu Ying, in the adjacent bunk, sat up from her pillow, took off her headphones, and tapped on Dong Yanyan's bed. "Number Five, what are you reading?"

"Lin Feng's journal. You should read it when I'm done. You can learn how literary types woo girls, and it might help build up your resistance," Dong Yanyan said, half-joking.

"Number Five, you aren't still thinking about him, are you?" Liu Ying asked softly.

"Hmm?" Dong Yanyan’s heart sank. She looked at her in surprise, then turned and moved closer to ask, "Third Sister, what do you mean?"

"Maybe others didn't see it, but I did. That time you were crying secretly under your covers, I heard what you were saying. Don't worry, I haven't told anyone—not even Number Four," Liu Ying said.

"Thank you, Third Sister," Dong Yanyan laughed. "That’s all in the past now. I'm very devoted these days; it was Jiaxuan who helped me move on when I was at my lowest."

"I just wanted to tell you not to keep things bottled up inside; it's too painful. Get some sleep, we have exams tomorrow," Liu Ying smiled.

Dong Yanyan nodded sincerely. "I know. You're so kind, Third Sister."

Liu Ying rolled over and went back to sleep. Dong Yanyan lost her mood for reading; she just wanted to pick two good entries to edit and be done with it. She randomly flipped to the last page and noticed writing on the back, so she turned the notebook over.

"I thought I had done enough, yet I never expected to be stabbed in the back by the brother I treated with such sincerity. If I were a sword, I would want to pierce his chest to see what his heart is made of. But I have no sword; I only have my fists to strike him, to let him know how furious I am. From this day forward, we sever all ties; let the roads and bridges return to their own paths!"

The style of this passage was clearly different from the rest, the words etched deep into the paper. Dong Yanyan could almost picture him in his rage, completely losing his usual composure. But who could have made him that angry?

It couldn't be Song Mingcheng, could it? In her memory, Song Mingcheng was the only one he had ever punched, and he had admitted it bluntly.

They really were fated enemies. Song Mingcheng's attitude toward him was ambiguous enough—he was indifferent to others, yet constantly prickly with him, even trying to stop her from being with him (though he never interfered with her and Jiaxuan). Could it be that he wanted to turn him around himself? Song Mingcheng was over thirty and unmarried at the time, without even a girlfriend. Taking a fancy to his dashing, charismatic roommate wasn't entirely impossible.

If that were the case, it would truly be a tragic and complicated romance.

Dong Yanyan patted her own head, trying to knock this brutal thought out of her mind.

But, but—doesn't every man have a *Brokeback Mountain* hidden in his heart?

*

The next morning, while out delivering newspapers with Xu Cheng, she noticed he was wearing a new down jacket. It looked very familiar; she felt as if she had seen it somewhere before.

"Is that a new jacket?" she asked casually.

"Yeah, I bought it with Old Song," Xu Cheng replied just as casually.

Dong Yanyan only then remembered that Song Mingcheng had bought an identical one a couple of days ago. Honestly, did he have to buy the same one when giving someone a gift? How unoriginal!

"You and Song Mingcheng get along quite well, don't you?" she smiled.

Xu Cheng laughed. "Aren't you quite close with him too? He treats his friends well."

"Is that so?" Dong Yanyan smiled noncommittally.

"Yanyan, the New Year is only two days away. I think we should hand over the duties today, so you don't have to deliver tomorrow," Xu Cheng said.

"That works," Dong Yanyan nodded. "Thanks for your hard work from now on."

"We're classmates, no need to be so formal," Xu Cheng smiled.

After they finished delivering the papers, seeing they had enough time, they grabbed breakfast together. Xu Cheng insisted on paying, and Dong Yanyan let him; it was only a few yuan, no need to be petty.

They walked back to school laughing. Thinking about not seeing him for two months, Dong Yanyan felt uneasy and gave him advice on everything that came to mind.

"From now on, when you're delivering papers alone, stay safe. Even if you're used to these routes, the weather is cold and the roads are slippery. Be careful crossing the street; it's better to give way than to rush. We don't need that extra second. Also, remember to wear a scarf next time. The throat is the most vulnerable part of the body; don't let it get frozen, or you'll get bronchitis. When you're staying at your uncle's, don't be too reserved or formal. Your cousins might look more polished than you now, but you won't be any worse than them in the future. There’s no need to feel inferior, and no need to compete with them. You're younger than them, so it's natural for them to look after you; don't let your self-esteem flare up just because they say a few things.

"As for your parents, you don't have to listen to everything they say, and you don't need to be influenced by them. They haven't had much education and don't understand the ways of the world, so they're bound to be narrow-minded and selfish. But you understand. You must let your relatives see that you are different from your parents. I'm not telling you to forget your roots, but one must adapt to the rules of the environment they are in. It's understandable that your parents can't do that, but you are more educated and experienced than they are; your vision must be longer-term. Do you understand?" she prattled on.

He was still in a phase of obeying his parents blindly. His parents’ logic was that they were always right, and that any help from relatives was a duty; if they didn't provide everything on demand, it was a betrayal. Back then, because of this, Xu Cheng had been extremely stubborn and sensitive in front of his wealthy relatives, preferring to suffer rather than ask them for help. Of course, later, through her own efforts, she had finally turned his mother around. As for his father, she was too lazy to bother. He was just an old man who bullied the weak and feared the strong; if she gave him a kind look, he would pick faults, so she simply stopped giving him any, and he didn't dare to make a sound.

"Actually, my parents are quite good; it's hard for them to support my schooling," Xu Cheng smiled unnaturally.

*Look at that!* He got upset the moment she said a word against his mother! Dong Yanyan felt a flash of irritation, but then thought, *I’m not even married into his family yet, why am I getting so worked up?*

"I didn't say they weren't good! There are no 'wrong' parents in the world. It’s just that I feel they are being too hard on you. Filial piety is a virtue, but you really don't need to bear the burdens of life for them right now. You’ve carried the family's weight since you were a child; it will make them forget their own responsibilities. They aren't that old, and they have hands and feet. As long as they are willing to work, good days are ahead. When you start working later, you'll have plenty of opportunities to be filial. A person only has a few years to be truly carefree, but life lasts for decades. Young man, life is short—seize the happiness while you can," Dong Yanyan said, patting his shoulder with a smile.

She let the smile fade for a moment and added, "Do you think I'm overstepping?"

"No, I think you're right. I thought I was mature enough, but it turns out you're even more mature than I imagined," Xu Cheng laughed.