Chapter 137: Driving One to a Breakdown

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Baili Xian gave a self-mocking smile. “Back then, I was still young and naively believed that my second brother still cared about me and looked after me. But after our eldest brother moved into the Eastern Palace, I encountered an assassination attempt almost every month. Food poisoning practically became an everyday occurrence. Things meant to kill me came at me from every direction, and there was simply no way to guard against them all.”

He spoke so lightly, yet the things he described made Liu Ling’er shudder. For Baili Xian to have survived until today after enduring all that was nothing short of Heaven’s mercy. He must also have possessed an extraordinary measure of luck to escape one calamity after another.

Liu Ling’er truly could not imagine that Baili Xian’s childhood had been spent in such a nightmarish existence. No wonder he always wore such a cold expression. A life like that would be enough to drive anyone to the brink of collapse. It was a miracle he had managed to survive.

“Heh. The number of imperial guards stationed around my residence kept increasing. Eventually, even the palace physicians were living in my side hall. Yet the secret schemes aimed at taking my life fell like drizzle and never diminished in the slightest. They came through every possible crack.

“One incident after another ground all the innocence out of me. From then on, I stopped being childish and learned to watch everything, to be careful at every turn. In this imperial palace, you cannot rely on anyone. Even your own brothers may rack their brains trying to kill you. If you want to stay alive, you can rely only on yourself.”

“Why wasn’t your eldest brother the one to inherit the throne? Why did your second brother keep plotting against you? That makes no sense,” Liu Ling’er interrupted, puzzled.

Baili Xian was not offended. Instead, he spoke slowly. “Do you think I never wondered about that myself? At the time, my eldest brother was completely absorbed in martial arts. In the eyes of my second brother, Baili Hai, he posed no threat at all. Baili Hai had countless ways to strip him of his position as Crown Prince.

“There was another reason as well. I resemble our mother in many ways. Whenever Father saw me, he felt guilty toward her, so he often showed me a little more affection than he showed my eldest or second brother. That made my second brother extremely jealous. He believed that even if he managed to take the Crown Prince’s position away from our eldest brother, Father might still refuse to pass the throne on to him and give it to me instead. So he always regarded me as a rival.”

“That can’t be right. I’ve seen Baili Hai before, and the two of you look rather alike. You came from the same mother, after all. Why would your father think you resembled his wife while failing to see any resemblance between Baili Hai and your mother?” Liu Ling’er asked, full of curiosity.

Baili Xian began to giggle foolishly, leaving Liu Ling’er completely baffled. Then he suddenly pulled her close and pointed to his absurdly handsome face.

“Look carefully. Don’t you think my eyes are incredibly captivating?”

Liu Ling’er glanced into his eyes. They were deep and black, and after he had been drinking, they had become especially misty and alluring, enough to make anyone’s heart flutter. Indeed, they looked nothing like Baili Hai’s. Perhaps Baili Hai had inherited their father’s eyes rather than their mother’s.

Then Baili Xian broke into another foolish grin, and Liu Ling’er discovered, to her amazement, that dimples had appeared on his face.

Good heavens, how had she never noticed such an obvious feature before? Then again, the man was always wearing a stern expression. No wonder she had never seen his dimples.

Baili Xian poked at one of them with his finger. “Father said my eyes resembled Mother’s. He also said that when I smiled, my dimples looked exactly like hers. If I had known my second brother wanted me dead because of these dimples, I would have chosen never to smile from the moment I was born.”

“It would be such a shame for someone this handsome not to smile,” Liu Ling’er advised.

“Actually, I was completely different as a child. Among all my brothers, I was the naughtiest. I smiled all day long and was utterly carefree. But after enduring all those assassination attempts, I never smiled again. Today, I smiled at you. Aren’t you moved? Don’t you feel like offering yourself to me in marriage?”

Baili Xian was joking, and his manner was utterly unlike his usual self.

Liu Ling’er did not know whether to laugh or cry. What was this? He had just finished describing how miserable his life had been, and he was already trying to take advantage of her. Still, she was in a good mood today and decided not to hold it against him. Whether Baili Xian had made an exception and smiled because of her was impossible to determine.

She shoved him hard. “Stop acting so shameless. I’m warning you—if you don’t tell me, I’m leaving.”

“Don’t go.” Baili Xian caught hold of her and refused to let her leave. “You’re not allowed to go until I’m finished, or I’ll be angry.”

Could he be any more childish? But Baili Xian looked genuinely hurt, and Liu Ling’er’s heart softened. Resting her chin in her hand, she continued listening to these potentially fatal secrets.

“My second brother saw me as a thorn in his side, even an obstacle blocking his path. In truth, he had backed himself into a dead end. Our imperial clan differs from the royal families of other nations. Only the principal wife may bear children, so there are very few heirs. As a result, people in our clan are not nearly as obsessed with imperial power as those in other royal families.

“Only now do I realize that my second brother was a complete anomaly. His desire for the throne was an almost fanatical obsession. After being framed so many times, I learned to be wary. I no longer dared to study diligently and win Father’s favor. Instead, I took up cockfighting and dog racing, doing everything I could to make him furious.”

“And you know what? During that period, the number of people around me trying to harm me visibly decreased. Besides, relying on Heaven and Earth is not as good as relying on yourself. I had always hated martial arts, but after that, I pestered our eldest brother every day and begged him to teach me. He was exceptionally good to me—practically granting every request I made. Without a word of protest, he began teaching me martial arts.”

“You really do have a good elder brother. How pitiful that I was the only child in my family growing up. I had a father and a mother, but having them might as well have been the same as not having them. Just when I finally had my father by my side, I somehow ended up marrying into the Prince Xian’s residence. Alas, you keep mentioning your eldest brother, yet I’ve never met him. And what is the story with Ning Sùsù?”

Since Baili Xian was willing to say anything in his current state, Liu Ling’er took the opportunity to ask the questions that had weighed on her for so long.

“My eldest brother… sob…”

The moment Baili Xian cried out the words “my eldest brother,” he burst into tears. Like a child who had been bullied, he sobbed so hard that his tears fell in torrents.

Liu Ling’er was dumbfounded. What was happening? Why had he suddenly started crying? It made her look as though she had taken advantage of his drunkenness and abused him in the room. Besides, he was a grown man. Men were supposed to bleed rather than shed tears—so why was he bawling like this?

Baili Xian wept with tears and mucus streaming down his face, looking thoroughly miserable. Men did not shed tears lightly; they did so only when their hearts were truly broken. By mentioning his eldest brother—and Ning Sùsù—Liu Ling’er had dug out the deepest wound in his heart and forced him to relive it all over again.

“My eldest brother… The worst thing that ever happened to him was being chosen by Father as Crown Prince. If he had been allowed to become an idle prince, perhaps he would still be living happily now, together with my sister-in-law and little Shuangshuang, the three of them enjoying a blissful family life. Unfortunately, everything changed that summer. Nothing could ever return to the way it was.”

Although Baili Xian continued speaking, his eyes kept spilling tears. He had probably held everything in for far too long and had finally found an opportunity to release it all. Liu Ling’er did not stop him. After suppressing emotions for so long, letting them out was probably the better choice.

The only unfortunate part was her clothing, now covered in his tears and snot.

Damn, it was disgusting.